"I hope you're ready, because I'm about to tell you the story of my life. More specifically, why my life ended. And if you're listening to these tapes, you're one of the reasons why." 

• Paperback: 304 pages Publisher: Puffin (6 Aug 2009 
  Genre: Young Adult   Source: Library
  
  

My Thoughts - I read this book a few years back, but Hannah is someone who continues to haunt me.

Maybe because this was my first "grief" book. A book that didn't sugar - coat things, and didn't give me that happy ending. Not in the slightest. A part of me welcomed it because I wanted something thought - provoking, something that would shake me. In fact, it takes no time at all for the first punch to hit you in the gut. Because it's waiting, ready during the very first page. 

HANNAH IS DEAD. 

Gone, but she refuses to be forgotten. She's made sure of that. You see her death was no mistake. She planned in great detail in what she was going to leave behind. Thirteen tapes to be exact. One tape for every person that hurt her and contributed to her committing suicide. Thirteen reasons that explain why.

Clay is our protagonist. We are there alongside him the day he receives the tapes. And as he goes through each one, he is forced to bear witness to everything that people he knew put her though. He knows all about Hannah Baker, or wish he did anyway. She was the girl who kept to herself, was a loner and pushed everyone away including him. He was only able to watch from afar as she changed, appearance and personality - wise. But now, within these tapes, lies a possible answer. 

This book made me weep. So much anger, pain and bitterness. It's unbearable at times to read on. Every time Clay would switch over to the next tape, I would suck in a breath and try to prepare myself - the anxiousness drove me crazy at times. I felt like I was sitting right beside him, just waiting, waiting for when it would be his turn.

Some will say that she didn't go through enough to do what she did. I thought the very same at times. I went to a rough school and saw much worse. But what I also know is that everyone has a different threshold. You cannot judge someone for doing something just because you feel like she should have been able to endure more It is wrong. Hannah does go through a lot. But it's like this snowball affect. Every time she is abused, hurt and betrayed, it keeps adding up, until it comes to a point where she just does not have the strength to fight it anymore, and when that time comes, it's very apparent. A part of me saw this decline and dreaded it. It made me realise that perhaps she knew long before what she wanted to do, and maybe she didn't want to be saved. Oh but there were chances, many of them where she left herself open for people to see. Here's the thing though, no one wanted to see.

Since then I have thought to myself countless times. Does her doing this make her any better than the people who hurt her? And my answer is, probably not. But I've come to accept that I don't need to like Hannah. No one ever said that we should like her, even though we feel inclined to I think it's important for readers to know that we don't have to. I, for one, battled constantly when it came to what I thought of her. And I think that's OK. Because just like Hannah we are human, and neither of us are perfect.

One thing is clear though. Seeing things through Clay' eyes is something else. He is a great guy, and someone who really felt for Hannah. And although he may have failed to notice what she was going through there is something beautiful about the realisation he has towards the end, and how he acts on it. THIRTEEN REASONS WHY made my heart beat every time it was time to turn to the next tape, made me feel like I was walking alongside Clay every time he would head towards the next location, but most importantly it made me think. For a long time I sat down and just thought about Hannah and her story. About how some things may seem so small but have such a large affect on someone. I walked away from it a changed person. And suddenly very aware of those that tended to isolate themselves in school. It gave me the courage to walk over and get to know them better.

Not only is THIRTEEN REASON WHY heart- breaking but most importantly it's inspirational. There's not many of those out there. This book will always be special to me. Many years on I find myself tempted to re - read it and I find the experience achingly painful as the first time. Hannah' story is one that needs to be heard.

"A lot of you cared, just not enough." "In the end....everything matters."